


Hold back the Tears

by Clayres



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kairi Deserved Better, Mentioned Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Riku stop being stupid, Roxas is the Best Character, Spoilers - Kingdom Hearts III
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 18:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17854499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clayres/pseuds/Clayres
Summary: In the darkest hour of the night, a lonely Kairi receives comfort from an unexpected, but not unwelcome side.





	Hold back the Tears

For the umpteenth time this week he woke up from a restless dreaming state.  
Something salty trickled into his mouth as he sighed.  
Of course he had been crying again.  
Sitting up, he ran his hand through his spiky hair and decided he was too awake now anyway to fall back asleep.  
The house was silent, safe for the quiet breaths of his slumbering friends.  
The stars shone brightly that night, a myriad of worlds, waiting to be explored.  
But not this time.  
Still, even though the bed was warm and comfortable, sleeping in it felt… wrong.  
This wasn’t his home.  
It was Sora’s.  
Naturally, his parents had been surprised when so many new faces showed up at their doorstep, but they were excited to get to know them all.  
One could see clearly where Sora got this trait from.  
They were taken in immediately, invited to stay for as long as they wished, practically adopted into the household, even Axel, who he’d thought would be able to take care of himself (but in truth was just a big kid at heart).  
He chuckled a bit at the thought of the tall Organization assassin being scolded by a small woman with a cooking spoon for being late for dinner.  
The chuckle got stuck in his throat, however, as he remembered who the scolding was actually meant for.  
Needing some fresh air, he grabbed his sweater and, tiptoeing to not wake anyone, he exited the house.  
He inhaled the so long desired salt on the wind while he slowly walked down to the landing stages.  
The waves calmly, soothingly, rushed against the boats, and he just stood there for a few moments to listen.  
As he opened his eyes again (he didn’t notice he’d closed them) he noticed an empty space where one of the boats should’ve been. Apparently he wasn’t the only one with sleeping problems, and he knew exactly who the missing boat belonged to.

The beach was empty, as it would be at this time of the night.  
Being filled with so many people had made their island suddenly look very small. What had been an entire world full of childhood adventures now seemed like nothing more than a bigger playground.  
Kairi was glad that at least right now it still retained its air of mystery and wonder, even in a calm and tranquil way.  
Although, she had to admit, it was nice to see it so lively once again, a contrast to it being so quiet, so… lonely.  
After a few minutes of mindlessly wandering around she found herself in the cave near the waterfall, the secret spot from their younger days. The scribbles on the wall were still there, albeit a bit washed off, same as the actual drawings in the corner. The door that always had been there was gone, however, hidden from sight or disappeared completely.  
Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t been here alone in the dark since that fateful stormy evening, when it all started.  
Suddenly shivering, she wrapped her arms around herself, as she heard footsteps approaching from behind.  
In an instant, she turned, and swept towards the supposed enemy-  
-who turned out to be a confused light-haired boy.  
“Kai- aaah???” He shrieked a bit when he realized the presence of the Keyblade held against his throat.  
“Oh!” Kairi relaxed, lowered Destiny’s Embrace and let it de-materialize. “Sorry.”  
“Sheesh, jumpy, aren’t you?” The boy took a step back to catch the breath he had been holding.  
“I apologized, didn’t I?” Kairi simply retorted.  
“Roxas? It is you, right? Or did you switch clothes with Ven again?”  
“Nope, it’s just me this time.”  
“Whose idea was that anyway?”  
“Ze- I mean, Ienzo’s. He wanted to test if people can tell us apart or not, and we kind of went along with it.”  
“With dubious success, it seems. I swear, he hangs out too much with Vexen these days...” She slightly shook her head.  
“Heh. It’s funny, you know… Before meeting all of you I couldn’t even tell what I looked like, much less tell that Ven and I look so much alike...”  
Roxas’ eyes grew softer.  
“Hey...” He carefully began. “...how are you holding up?”  
Surprised, she opened her mouth, probably for some white lie or another, but as she saw the look on his face she just lowered her head with a half-smile.  
“Can’t get anything past you, can I?”  
Roxas frowned.  
“Not well, then.”  
“I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t-”  
“It’s okay. You can tell me.”  
Kairi hesitated. But meeting Roxas’ firm gaze, how could she not trust him?  
Thus, the words just began to flood out of her mouth, her heart.  
“I... I just- I miss him. I miss him so much, I really do. But at the same time, I feel so empty, as if I don’t have any tears, no more heart to feel with, and he doesn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve any of that. I wish he was still there, I wish he didn’t do that for me, and it’s my fault he did-”  
“Whoa there. Breathe.”  
She was shuddering heavily now, so Roxas took off his sweater and offered it to her.  
“Here. I’m sorry if it smells. It’s the only one I have.”  
Between some unsteady breaths Kairi began to chuckle, then laugh, then sob uncontrollably, crying out the tears she’d been holding inside ever since she returned and Sora did not.  
Roxas was at a loss.  
“I said breathe, not wheeze…”  
So she tried, slowly inhaling and exhaling again, until, breath by breath, it grew more steady.  
“I don’t know much,” Roxas stated calmly, finally handing her the sweater, “but I do know how it feels like to have no heart, and this is far from it, so don’t worry about that. Besides it’s not your fault-”  
“I don’t deserve comfort.” Kairi held the sweater at arm’s length, not knowing what to do with it. Her voice was grave.  
“It’s not about deserving or not deserving, your friends are worried about you. Because, we still care about you. He cared about you. So much that-” Roxas, who had been getting louder, quieted himself down again.  
“Look, it’s not your fault.”  
“Yes it is.”  
“Now you’re just being childish. No it’s not.”  
“Yes it is. He wouldn’t have needed to use the Power of Waking in such a way if I didn’t-” She needed to say it.  
“If I didn’t die.”

Night had fallen on the Keyblade Graveyard.  
The four Guardians of Light, battered, but still standing, were about to face their last battle against the Dark Seeker, after they had successfully bested his twelve vessels.  
Of course Sora was the one on the front line, he was their champion after all, so of course he was the target of Xehanort’s attack.  
There was a deafening silence just before he decided to strike, when everyone could just watch in shock at how easily all their efforts would come down to nothing, and then there was Kairi, the Princess of Light, the beacon shining in the dark, Kairi, who had freed herself from Xemnas’ grip with ease, Kairi, who was now unaffected by the time magic Xehanort had cast over the party, as she had raised a powerful shield the second the old man had uttered the first letter, Kairi, who seemingly effortlessly warded off twelve blades one key after another, again and again, to protect her friends, to protect her loved ones, to protect him, until the silence was lifted, until they could fend for themselves again, until then she would fight-  
In all of the rush she noticed the thirteenth key, guided by Xehanort’s hand, too late as it went for Sora, when she just had parried the ones coming for Riku.  
She would never reach him in time, so she did what he did, and sent her own Keyblade flying off in his direction.  
Xehanort, not batting an eyelash, swiped it aside like a toy sword and returned his attention back to his would-be victim.  
However his next strike did not land on his desired target, but on the now defenceless and worn-out princess, who, though unable to summon her Keyblade back in time, had used the small window of opportunity to throw herself in the way, just before the spell finally broke.  
She saw hands reaching for her, felt them pulling her in, felt the warmth of his body, but all went black already and she only could whisper three words.  
“Go get him.”  
Then she fell apart.

“It was dumb and reckless and-”  
“And it saved them all, didn’t it? I know I’m not one to speak, I wasn’t there after all, but from what Riku and the King told me, you were amazing.”  
“No, I was not. It wasn’t enough-”  
“Stop that. Stop running yourself down. And put on that sweater already, you’re getting a cold.”  
She obliged upon hearing the tone in his voice.  
“Kairi, you did everything you could, and it was not a mistake. It was what anyone would have done, should have done… If anything it’s the fault of the rest of us, for not doing more, for not being there in time-”  
“Roxas… you’re… crying...”  
“What? Oh.” He tried to swipe the tears away, but they kept on flowing.  
“You miss him too, don’t you?” Kairi asked quietly.  
“Of course I do. Everyone does. You’re not as alone in this as you think.” He sighed.  
“But I’m probably not the right person to tell you this. Remember when we met, in a dream? You didn’t care about me at all back then. You just wanted to know Sora’s name.”  
“Sorry, about that-”  
“It’s okay.” He shook his head.  
“You’re close to Axel, right? I know he has a lot on his plate right now, between Sa- Isa and Xion and… me... but he should be here rather than me. And where is Riku? Why isn’t he there for you?”  
“Don’t...” Kairi began softly “don’t force my problems on yourself, or other people… I’m sure Riku has his own issues to deal with.”  
“But he has been awfully distant towards you. Is he avoiding you?”  
Kairi averted her gaze, remaining silent.  
“Wait… did he tell you it’s your fault?”  
“No! No, of course not.”  
Roxas tilted his head, his eyes telling her she couldn’t fool him.  
“It’s just... the looks he gives me… Roxas, it feels like I’m losing him too, again… all because of what I did...”  
“I should give him a piece of my mind...” Roxas muttered under his breath.  
“See, defending your friends was your choice, that much is true, but sneaking away in the middle of the night, to bring you back, despite everyone telling him not to go, I mean, Xion even knew you were going to be okay on your own, why didn’t he want to listen?” He took a deep breath, and let it go again.  
”...anyway, that was Sora’s decision. He… must’ve missed you as much as we’re missing him now… as if he couldn’t bear to live without you. So, honour the chance he has given you, and stop regretting the fact that you live. He wouldn’t want that. And I’m pretty sure Riku knows that too.”  
Realization hit her as she let his words sink in, and she teared up again.  
“…Roxas… thank you.”  
Sheepishly he scratched the back of his head.  
“Don’t worry about it. Just don’t let it all bottle up again, okay? We’re all here for you if you need- oof!”  
Kairi surprised him with a sudden embrace. Hesitantly he put his arms around her.  
They stayed like this for a moment, both thinking of their lost friend, until they slowly let go again.  
“Thank you.” Kairi repeated. “I think I needed that.”  
“Seriously, don’t mention it. It’s what friends are for, right?”  
“...right.” She confirm with a smile.  
“We probably should head back though.”  
“Okay.”  
When they exited the cavern Kairi returned the sweater to Roxas.  
“You know… you really must be Sora’s other. You even smell like him a bit.”  
“Hey! I smell like me, thank you.”  
“I know, I’m just teasing you.”  
Roxas snorted.  
“Why are we even talking about my smelly clothes?” He asked between chuckles.  
“I don’t know, you started it.” Kairi remarked, giggling herself.  
“But...” She said after they calmed down again. “...it’s comforting, knowing he will always be close, in our hearts.”  
“...yeah.”  
Just before they reached their boats, they heard noises coming from the cove.  
They looked at each other, nodding, and went to check.  
Carefully, they opened the door…  
...to the sight of a silver-haired youth mock-fighting his own shadow (or so it seemed) with a wooden sword.  
His swings became faster and more agitated and his shouts more desperate sounding, until he frustratedly threw the toy in the door’s direction, just as the two entered.  
Roxas blinked as it bounced off of Kairi’s drawn Keyblade with a clunk.  
“Oh. It’s you.” Riku stated coldly. “What are you doing here?”  
“Sorry, we’ll leave again.” Kairi turned around to exit the cove, her head held down.  
“...are you serious?” Roxas clenched his hands to fists. “Are you really letting her walk off like that? Aren’t you supposed to be best friends or something?”  
“Roxas… it’s alright...” Kairi said gently, but Roxas was having none of it.  
“No, it’s not! Nothing is ‘alright’. You’re friends, but he’s acting like you’re his enemy. That’s not ‘right’, it’s stupid.”  
“Roxas.” Riku’s eyes were as frigid as his voice. “Don’t interfere with matters you’re not involved in.”  
“…‘don’t interfere’? Well, it seems like somebody has to! Besides we’re all involved! Sora was my friend too, my other self even, and sure, he’s gone, but I’m not acting like a jerk. We’re all hurting, especially Kairi, and all you have to say to her is ‘What are you doing here?’?”  
Both Kairi and Riku prepared to reply something, but Roxas was not done yet.  
“Yes, Sora is gone because he abused the Power of Waking to bring her back, and yes, she should not have died in the first place, but he went on his own volition and no amount of ‘what ifs’ and “what if nots’ is going to bring him back. So don’t go around blaming Kairi for doing the only right thing, when you yourself could’ve done something but didn’t!” He ended with a huff.  
Riku looked at him, then away.  
“...you sound like Sora.”  
“You say that as if it’s a bad thing.”  
Riku chuckled at that remark.  
“You’re right though. We are all hurting.” Riku let himself fall down on the sand and looked up to the starry sky.  
Kairi took a step towards him.  
“Riku-”  
“Back when this all started I wanted so badly to be close to both of you… but I could see you distance yourself from me, which is probably on me for getting tempted by the Darkness in the first place… but seeing you two so close, without me, it hurt. Which did naturally not help with not falling to Darkness... I guess this time I decided to distance myself before you could, but the result is the same, isn’t it? I really am such an idiot...” He ran his hand over his face.  
“Before we wanted to go, he and I argued over who of us would give you Paopu fruit...”  
“Wait, really?”  
“Yeah.” He smiled the memory. “I guess I just wanted to tease him like the fool I was... but in the end I decided to give him mine, so he could give it to you. After all, who was I to stand between the two of you? You were meant for each other. Anyone could see that. Especially lately, so I wanted to give you some time to yourselves.”  
“...Riku…” Kairi sat down next to him “...why didn’t you say anything?”  
“Well, sometimes a man needs to act tough so his friends don’t need to worry about him.”  
“What? Who told you that? And since when are you a man?” She elbowed him in the side.  
“What, you mean I’m not?” He acted offended.  
They both laughed a bit.  
“...you’re right though.” Riku said after a while.  
“Huh?”  
“I still feel like a foolish boy, powerless to protect what matters… After Xehanort struck and I couldn’t do anything, I felt so angry and frustrated at myself… But instead of doing something about it I just lost myself in self-pity, as if I hadn’t learned anything from the first time, making the same mistakes yet again… I’m sorry I took it all out on you... I should have gone instead of him to get you back, I mean, I also have the Power of Waking, but I did nothing to prevent him from going, I should have known-”  
He stopped himself when he noticed that Kairi was crying (not realizing he himself was as well).  
“Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...”  
“Shh, no, don’t worry, it’s okay, it’s fine, I’m here.”  
She pulled him into a hug and let him sob onto her shoulder.  
“You love him very much, don’t you?” Kairi whispered after a while.  
“Of course. As do you.” Riku answered, his voice low as well.  
Roxas, who had been standing there awkwardly the whole time, turned around to give them the moment they needed, cleared his throat.  
“Did you make up? Can we all be friends again?”  
Kairi and Riku looked at each other, getting up again.  
“Yeah.” They said in unison.  
“Good.” He turned back to face them, smiling.  
Riku dusted himself off.  
“I apologize for that… embarrassing display.”  
“The one where you were being a jerk?” Roxas asked. “Because you should be.”  
“Yeah, that too.” Riku’s face turned red in shame.  
“Wait, you mean the crying? No need to apologize for that.” Roxas assured him.  
“Hey, it’s alright, you should’ve known you couldn’t keep up the tough guy act for long without breaking something.” Kairi added.  
“Yeah, I guess I should’ve.”  
Riku laughed as he remembered similar words from another journey, directed at another ‘tough guy’.  
The other two couldn’t help but join him, as the first light of the next day began to take over the night sky.  
“Hey.” Kairi said, having a sudden piece of mind. “Let’s go find Sora.”

**Author's Note:**

> First story on AO3, and it's born out of my frustraton and anger with the KHIII ending, yay!
> 
> Soundtrack (because there always is one):
> 
> Helena Ruth - at last/the dream, the storm (a.k.a. the song that made me cry when I put into a different context than what it was originally written for)  
> Ólafur Arnalds - re:member  
> Ólafur Arnalds - Þú Ert Sólin  
> Ólafur Arnalds - Tunglið  
> Yoko Kanno feat. Arnór Dan - Von  
> Yoko Kanno feat. Arnór Dan - Birden  
> Yoko Kanno feat. Arnór Dan - Bless  
> Yoko Kanno feat. POP ETC - Ís  
> Yoko Kanno feat. AIMER - Dare ka, Umi wo  
> Florence + the Machine - Rabbit Heart (Raise it up)
> 
> and last but not least, of course,
> 
> Utada Hikaru & Skrillex - Face my Fears.


End file.
